23rd September 2016
Dear little me,
I’m so glad to write this letter to you, I hope it comes as an unexpected gift from the future. There are so many things I’d like to say to you, so many things I wished someone told me when I was younger.
First of all, it’s not your fault if you’re different. It’s not your fault if you do not fit in. It’s not your fault if the other kids don’t get you and bully you. But do not expect them to grow up and be bad people. Mum tells you that constantly: you’ll become good, you’ll graduate, have a nice job, money, a good life. They will be left out because of their attitude, because they’re bad and bad people get nothing. In reality, they will probably be the same as you: adolescents and young adults struggling with their life. They might even be more successful than you, from this point of view. That doesn’t make you worse. One is not defined by what they do at six years old, and you are not defined by anything if not your actions.
You are loved, and you will be loved. By many people. In some years, your world will be shattered when you’ll reach the conclusion that no one is going to love you, ever. I would spare you the feelings of loss, helplessness, reject, anger. But I can’t. Only you can live through it and survive through it. You’ll be so hurted, you will feel shit and you’ll suffer so much you will believe your entire being will crumble into little pieces. Do not give up. Listen to your suffering, because as much as it hurts it is telling you something. Let yourself feel every little moment of happiness, the bursts of sadness, the flaming rage. But don’t give up to apathy. You won’t be good at it, anyway. It’ll just mess you up. Badly. You’ll want to feel nothing, but there’s no feeling worse than emotional apathy. And one day, you’re going to find someone who loves you so much the pieces of yourself will put themselves back together.
Do not be afraid to open completely to possibilities. You are going to feel so scared of every step you’ll make, but consider this: you are stardust. You are made of the same substance of the Universe: the stars, nebulae, black holes and planets live in you. You already are exceptional. You are something beautiful and so immense, why should you be afraid of slipping once? Stars explode and become black holes and yet scientists marvel at that, they do not scream “Boooh, fail”, right?
I can’t recall exactly all the things I was when I was kid. I remember some details of who I was when I was you. But whoever you feel you are in this moment, do not be afraid of it. And don’t excuse yourself with anyone. You have all the rights to be as marvellous (and as different) as you are.
Your old-as-hell 23 y.o. self,