To: a person who has influenced you the most – 30 days of OLW

​Dear O.,
It may seem odd that I’m writing to you. We’ve known each other for about six years, but we are no friends. For all this time, we remained mostly acquaintances and it is with regret that I say so. In this light it is probably surprising that I have chosen you for this piece, but although I thought about it a lot, there is probably no one else I’d like to write such a letter. Despite everything, you were a big influence for me – even if you do not know it.
Let’s trace the story of our non-history, which began around 2010 when both ended up in the same website, writing about more or less the same things and with more or less the same interests. We never became close, but I always respected you. I held you in high regard because of the wisdom that you shared freely with everyone and I, a newbie thirsty with knowledge, couldn’t but be grateful for it. Most of all, I saw in you something that was akin to what I felt: a longing for a world that does not exist, a longing for “home”.
Between my seventeenth and eighteenth, reading your words helped me gain a better insight of polytheism and paganism, of magic and the occult. I learned a lot from what you said, but I also learned something more than notions: your attitude helped me standing on my own feet, your eagerness to not let other take you as someone who held the truth, your understanding of others, your patience in explaining.
I looked at you as someone I aspired to be: gentle, yet firm. Knowledgeable and wise, kind and compassionate. I probably saw the best part of you. I probably saw what I needed to see at that time, leaving out all the things I don’t know or can’t imagine about your life. My portrait of you probably isn’t complete and I’m sure that you would believe I’m stupid for thinking such things of you.
I cannot decide what to feel, however. On my path, there are not many people who influenced me, but my experience with you – albeit indirect – helped me become a better person and maybe even a better practitioner.
If you can, accept at least that. Although not much, it is still a beautiful thing to have such an impact on other people’s lives. If you can mean that much to a stranger, imagine how important you are to those you love.

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To: your best friend – 30 days of OLW

Dear best friend,
Do you exist?

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I’ve been in search of a best friend since I was eleven years old or something, looking for that kind of friendship that links you to someone for all your life. Someone with whom I can speak and be myself and tell everything about me, be completely open about my being and free. To me, this is the kind of bond that I look forward to find. Yet, I do not think that I ever been luck in my research. Don’t get me wrong, I have called best some friends I did believe where the best I had in my life, although for a reason or another most of them left (they are all coming back, how peculiar). I do not have a problem with people leaving me, I understand that, as free human beings, we move as we please through life and sometimes we need to move in a direction that is far apart from those we love. However, it is inevitable for me to ask myself if those best friendships were a product of my mind or if they were real.
I probably idealise too much the whole concept of a best friend, as everything else. Idealising something always means making up a pretty image in your head that probably won’t be in any way close to reality. It’s a sort of strange fantasy that you project into real life, but it is inherently false and you end up being so stuck in that process, that you are prevented from seeing reality for what it really is. In this case it prevents me to see if there is anyone around me who is trying to be meaningful in my life. And there probably is.
It’s hard to admit that I may have been overlooking people. People who longed to be part of my life as much as I wanted to be part of other’s. People who would be willing to listen to me, while I am too stuck in my own narrative, telling myself that no one is interested in what I have to say. That I’m too strange. That everyone is too busy to care for me. It is not true. I know that, now more than ever.
I am willing to make an effort to spend more time and be more open with those people who make my heart sing. People to whom I can really give something, as much as they can give to me. Regardless of what I will ever call them, those are the person who are important in my life.
Dear best friend, I don’t know if you’re already in my life or if you will ever be here. But I am ready to let you step into my circle, whenever you will feel it is the right time to show up.

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A letter to: yourself as a child – 30DLW

23rd September 2016

Dear little me,
I’m so glad to write this letter to you, I hope it comes as an unexpected gift from the future. There are so many things I’d like to say to you, so many things I wished someone told me when I was younger. 

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First of all, it’s not your fault if you’re different. It’s not your fault if you do not fit in. It’s not your fault if the other kids don’t get you and bully you. But do not expect them to grow up and be bad people.  Mum tells you that constantly: you’ll become good, you’ll graduate, have a nice job, money, a good life. They will be left out because of their attitude, because they’re bad and bad people get nothing.  In reality, they will probably be the same as you: adolescents and young adults struggling with their life. They might even be more successful than you, from this point of view. That doesn’t make you worse. One is not defined by what they do at six years old, and you are not defined by anything if not your actions. 

You are loved, and you will be loved. By many people. In some years, your world will be shattered when you’ll reach the conclusion that no one is going to love you, ever. I would spare you the feelings of loss, helplessness, reject, anger. But I can’t. Only you can live through it and survive through it. You’ll be so hurted, you will feel shit and you’ll suffer so much you will believe your entire being will crumble into little pieces. Do not give up. Listen to your suffering, because as much as it hurts it is telling you something. Let yourself feel every little moment of happiness, the bursts of sadness, the flaming rage. But don’t give up to apathy. You won’t be good at it, anyway. It’ll just mess you up. Badly. You’ll want to feel nothing, but there’s no feeling worse than emotional apathy. And one day, you’re going to find someone who loves you so much the pieces of yourself will put themselves back together.

Do not be afraid to open completely to possibilities. You are going to feel so scared of every step you’ll make, but consider this: you are stardust. You are made of the same substance of the Universe: the stars, nebulae, black holes and planets live in you. You already are exceptional. You are something beautiful and so immense, why should you be afraid of slipping once? Stars explode and become black holes and yet scientists marvel at that, they do not scream “Boooh, fail”, right?

I can’t recall exactly all the things I was when I was kid. I remember some details of who I was when I was you. But whoever you feel you are in this moment, do not be afraid of it. And don’t excuse yourself with anyone. You have all the rights to be as marvellous (and as different) as you are. 

Your old-as-hell 23 y.o. self,

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A letter to: your significan other – 30 days of OLW

15th September 2016,

My dear love,
I’m sitting down writing this letter because of a writing project I started. You have to write one letter every day and the first one is addresssd to your loved one. It took forever to be written and forever to be edited, because I wanted the perfect moment to take the pen and start writing.

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I thought about it for days, before finally sitting at the desk. I reharsed what I wanted to say in my head for a hundred times, tried to prepare myself for this moment. Truth is, there is just this moment to do it, to write. Waiting for it to be perfect is just a way to exorcise my fears. I don’t know what to expect from this.

I love you. Very deeply, to the point I think that part of myself developed around this love; now nestled at the centre of my being like a precious jewel. It really is the best thing I have in my life and I still can’t grasp my mind around the fact that I love you and you love me back. It seems so…it is wonderful, of course, but it also seem something like a dream, or a fairy tale. How can something so beautiful like you be real?
In the past months I tried to explain to you why is that I love you; I believe you deserve to know and when I understood it myself,  I was caught in this state of euphoria, like a scientist that discovered a pretty big secret of the universe (I’ going to work on these metaphors, they suck a bit). I wanted to make you part of this feeling.
Every time I tried to spell everything to you, however, I couldn’t really spit it all out. I worried about breaking some sort of spell. So I guess this is all about your curiosity, now. If you too believe this is something that ought to stay hidden, you may stop reading now.

In my life I met a lot of people and most of them can be pinned down into two categories: those who wanted me to be slightly different (to better follow their standards) and those who put part of me or a part of my personality on a pedestal (and still wanted me to be in some way for their own benefit).
I either talked too much, was too self-conscious, knew far too well what I wanted, spoke too openly or whatever. I can count maybe two or three people in my life who never cared about my worth in relation to what they could gain from me. Especially in a romantic sense. Whoever I met either wanted me to shrink into their own definition and frame of who I am or seemed fascinated by some part of my character that I still can’t identify (although I’d like to, so if you have guesses to make, I’m more than happy to hear them out).
Not you, though. You were the only one to love me simply because I was a person, I existed, and I mattered just because of this. Despite my flaws, my insecurities and my darkest moments,  you never stopped to look at me with those eyes full of earnest love. You never asked me to be different for you, or tried to make me your “ideal” or whatever.
You encouraged me to become a better person because *I* would’ve been the one benefiting from this. Instead of sewing me a dress to wear, you let me cut it out for myself. And this is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to anyone: to find someone so compassionate and loving as you are.

I fear I’m not nearly as good as you are in this. I don’t think I’m always capable to be so caring and affectionate, to be supportive every time you need it. Sometimes I feel I’m not enough for myself, let alone being enough for someone like you. Someone who loves me so much, someone that in the end I don’t think I deserve. But I’m trying. I’m trying to be more like you, in this. I want to learn from you, I want to be able to give to you all the love you need. Because you deserve it all. You deserve every kiss, every hug, every snuggle, every caress. You deserve it, and need it like a flower needs water. I want to be your water, I want you to bloom and be the radiant and beautiful human being that you are.

I love you, always and forever.

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Introducing the Open Letter Writing Challenge

The open letter writing challenge, as you can imagine, proposes you thirty different subjects to write an honest letter to.

I always thought that challenges like this one are a funny way to take on new habits or trying to do something creative and different. I figured it would be a nice way to kick-start myself into writing consistently again, plus some of the daily challenges can be also inspiration for shadow work, which is something I’m slowly incorporating in my life.
It’s half journaling and half writing with a lot of emotions in between.

Here’s the complete schedule of the challenge, if you’d like to try it out yourself:

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Unfortunately this challenge was posted on this tumblr blog without credits, if you know the creator let me know!